A Pity Party: and You're Invited!

Dear People...
This is what I am up against...

 

 

 

 

For the record he is not in any sort of "real" distress. He just woke up from his nap and he had already climbed out of the crib, but then I made him do it again for the photo op. I am all about performing. Dance monkey!  He is not always the most pleasant when he wakes up from nap time, you may remember how attached this boy is to his beverages, he does not like to be deprived. Isn't he lucky to have me as a mom?

Question: If my son is apparently capable of "safely" climbing out of his crib, but won't do it until we come in to get him, should we transfer to a big boy bed (removing one of the side rails) or enjoy a few more months where our son thinks he is still trapped in his own bed?

On a side note...

How can someone so small make so much laundry...

 

To get the real picture you must know that I had already put half of it away. You should envision the basket so full (two loads) that I had to lay my body across it to keep the crap from falling out, think Mount Everest.

We had a major laundry overhaul today. I went in to get Jonathan this morning... only to discover he had yakked all over himself and had diarrhea, that of course soaked through the diaper and everything else(by the way, this only happens when I have both clothes in the dryer AND the washer). So we are also dealing with some serious butt burn. It's bad people. Back-front-thighs-waist. I have used more a&d/desitin today than I have in the previous 27 months of my sons existence, combined.

My son is a mysterious yakker... he does this occasionally and then acts normal the rest of the day... why? are these viruses? reflux? digestive sensitivities? secret plots to drive me crazy? Is this just my cross to bear?

please feel sorry for me. really.

The Importance of Hydration

How to avoid Shoveling the driveway...

When shoveling the driveway it is important to have all of the necessary items: a shovel, snow, and some form of liquid refreshment. 

Start off with a drink... because you really want to stay on top of this.

seriously, don't hold back...

You never can hydrate too much

Then move to the other side of the drive way so it looks like you have done some work already... and spend some time supervising the peons...

Just to make sure everyone knows who's boss, throw down your cup and demand someone pick it up for you.

 

Stand next to momma for support... and keep sucking that juice baby.

Then head over to the front porch to get to work...

Conveniently leave your shovel elsewhere...

begin a long...

Leisurely...

stroll....

to retreive it...

Stop to take a drink, because, you're thirsty from all your hard work...

Watch the peons work for a while...

hide behind the wall for a while...

When the driveway is finished.. head out for some fun...

But don't forget...

.

your cup...

If the unfortunate happens, and your cup drops in the snow...

order one of the peons to clean it...

and of course take a drink...

In case one of those peons forgets his place...

simply order them to address your hydration needs...

so that you can...

keep drinking...

it's really really important.

Bad Parenting 101

1. Keep your child up past his 2:00 PM nap time on Saturday.
2. Put him down for a nap at 4 PM
3. Panic because its 7 PM and he is still sound asleep.
4. Wake him up for dinner.
5. Decide today is the day you are going to smack down on dinner and refuse to give him anything other than the stuff you made.
6. Listen to incessant wailing.
7. Give child a bath.
8. Try to put to sleep at 8:45 Pm a mere hour and a half after you wake him up.
9. Listen to lots of incessant wailng

NEXT DAY
1. Take tired cranky-sleep-deprived baby out to lunch after church.
2. Fail to keep him awake for the final two minutes of the drive home.
3.Unsuccessfully transfer him to the crib.
4. Listen to him cheerily chatter for an hour  with an impending sense of dread.
5. Progeny enters bedroom tired, sweetly sleeping baby; comes out fire-breathing rage-aholic dragon from the most terrifying darkness.  Think Godzilla.
6. Pull down the blinds, lock the doors and windows, hide under your bed and pray for darkness, when you can either 1) escape the house under the cover of night, or 2) the fire-breathing dragon collapses in complete and utter exhaustion from his screaming body-flailing rants. Or both.

Table Tango

It was a Sunday like any other Sunday. I was in our guest room stripping sheets and folding blankets. Trying to recover from the aftermath of the tornado that was our holiday season. Jonathan turned on some tunes and started to bust-a-move.
He was being hilarious and we were having a great time.  He danced around the bed back toward the radio and then suddenly... he went down.
I didn't hear any loud bangs so I assumed he would be ok. So I continued to fold the blanket.
And then the siren sounded. It was one of those screams preceeded by a few seconds of silence so that the lungs can completely fill with air thus maximizing the volume potential.
I ran over to pick him up and then I saw it. The giant goose egg on his left temple. It was already the size of a large marble. It was purple and it was ugly. It seems he had whacked the side of his face on the corner of the nightstand.
Of course he wouldn't let me touch it, or ice it, or even look at it.  After a few minutes he was acting pretty normal, so I ruled out any significant head trauma.
the next morning all the pretty colors showed up, so I thought I would take a few pictures for you.

Of course the Jonathan sat very still and cooperated fully.

 Here's the first good shot.

Here you can see the purple on the eyelid

What you can't see is the lovely yellow shading on the upper eyelid spreading out to the temple.

once again

Obviously I couldn't skip this one.

 Hello cutenes!

Not one hour after he bashed his head... poor Jonathan was playing in our bathroom and smashed his thumb  in our shower door. Here you can see his smashed thumbnail.

Again... you can understand why I had to post this one...

He is spending too much time with his dad. This is his excited face.

 And the final eye shot... with the toothbrush hanging out of the mouth. Classy.

It's Snowing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's snowing! It's snowing! It really is!
Buckets and Buckets and Buckets!
I lovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee snow! I don't care. All you haters out there can stick it.
Snow is beautiful. It's magical.
It is time to bundle up and go sledding.
Or hunker down and stay warm and cozy outside.
I even love driving in it. Ok I should qualify-I love driving around town as long as the roads aren't terrible. It might have something to do with the fact that with the exception of this year all the rest of my driving years I have been driving OLD GM sedans (Oldsmobiles) and those things are built like tanks. You do not drive on top of the snow... you drive through it. Serioiusly, I think I could have plowed in those cars.
Anyway, I love seeing the snow plows and the people scurring around trying to get last minute supplies so they can hunker down for a while.
It might also have to do with the fact that when I was in elementary school we had an ice storm. It was a gigantic one, and we were out of school and power forever. And I was just young enough to remember it as one of the most magical times in my whole life.

 

Anyway.. here are some pictures of us in the snow (they aren't from today).

A Funny Story

I sat down and thought I might write a blog post.
So I reread what I wrote previously to see where I left off. I reread everything I wrote about Christmas and I read the last part where I said I would about what happened the rest of the day.
And then I panicked.
See there is this funny little wonder drug called Loritab. We first became friends after my son was born and they stitched up the gigantic gaping hole they had to slice in me to pull out his enourmous head. Apparantly they don't like you to take home your morphine IV.  Anyway, Loritab and me, we're buddies.
Then a few weeks post-baby when that nasty little cavity my dentist had been warning me about worked its way through my wisdom tooth to the nerve, I had to dig out my old pal again.

So when your back goes out on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day happens to be a Friday, you are pretty much screwed until Monday if you don't want to go to the ER. So you go rummaging around in your family's medicine cabinets. A little Loritab here, a little muscle relaxer there. No I didn't take them both at the same time. I bet that would have been awesome.
But here's the other funny thing about Loritab (and probably why we're such good friends). Loritab drops this lovely veil over everything. Nothing is very clear and things all seem to run together. Details seem to get lost. Like what your name is, and where you live, and how to but your shoes on. You know trivial unimportant things.
Here is what I remember about Christmas.
1.Laying awake Christmas eve in this trippy-drugged out-super excited-about-Christmas haze.
2. Crying in the shower in the morning because the old drugs had worn off and the new ones hadn't kicked in yet.
3. Jonathan bringing me a blanket from his Crib so we could "snuggie" together. (new drugs still hadn't kicked in)
4. Laying on the floor at Everette's parent's house. The sound of paper tearing. Murmered voices.
5. Laying on the floor at my gramma's house. More paper tearing. Jonathan doing a WWF wrestling smackdown move on me while I was laying on the floor. Not once, but twice.
6. Five agonizing car rides
7. Laying on the couch at my house watching Paul Blart Mall Cop while Everette made mash potatoes.  If you are going to watch that movie, definitely do it on Loritab
8. Laying on the floor at Everette's parents house again.
9. The glorious few moments when I could sit up in a chair.
And that is what this long whiny post is about. I couldn't remember what it was I was going to tell you about, until I looked at the pictures to jog my memory. Blasted Loritab.

After dinner at Everette's parents house (My parents and sister joined us as well).
My mom brought the famous bells! If you have never experienced the joy of these bells, you simply haven't lived. They are delightful for young and for old. As long as you are not color blind you can play these bells.

Even Jonathan (who doesn't know his colors) had a great time.

Jonathan getting ready to ring!

A few preemptive shakes

And we're off!

Once he got started, there was no stopping him.

Even Grampy got into it (and he is even a little color-blind)

Uncle Brad got a little too enthusiastic.

 

Mimi and Aunt Laura ringing, and Su-Su is holding the magic cards.

Still ringing..

I think our ears are all still ringing.

I am Back

I am back from a week of being dead. Essentially. Or wishing I was. ok maybe not quite. But in serious pain. My little back spasm turned out to be quite intense. I spent all of Christmas and the next two days laying on my back over a heating pad with my legs elevated. It was one of the worst pains of my life. Just to give you an idea... I have not checked my email, facebook or read any blogs since Christmas day.  Do you see the pain I am in?
On monday I was feeling better only to go to the chiropractor and come home feeling worse (plus I was out of drugs). Monday I had a small mental and emotional breakdown. Then woke up tuesday feeling better than when I woke up Monday. Starting to panic because we had family coming in from out of town.
 Then went to the chiropractor again and returned feeling a little bit worse again. Wednesday I woke up feeling better again. Used all of my will power to force myself to the grocery store (things were getting desperate). Clung white-knuckled to the cart, gritting my teeth. Made it home, cleaned the toliet just in time for my aunt and uncle to arrive.
Every morning I have been waking up feeling better, but I am still in a fair amount of pain. My chiropractor is out of town until Monday. He had the audacity to take his wife to NY to celebrate New Years, in honor of their ten year anniversary.
I am sure I will make it, and I promise to post Christmas pictures and blog about what I can remember.
I will leave you with one highlight...
I got Both soundtracks to Glee for Christms... yes. it was a good year!