Scandalous Photos

My recent blog posts have been such epic adventures, I haven't had time to share the little things that have happened in our family.  So the following is a post of randomness.

1. If any of you are interested at seeing more pictures from 80's prom. click here!

2. I had a nude photo shoot today. Well semi-nude. Nude for me.  There was a backdrop, and lights, complete with background music and body paint. Everette's excited. So is my doctor.... 
I had mole mapping done today... yeah baby. Two hours of standing in my unmentionables while a stranger snapped close-ups of my skin.  I really wasn't prepared at all for this.  When I walked in the nurse asked me if I had brought a two piece bathing suit...
uhhh... no.... I was glad I had clean non-holy underwear, and I had my good bra on.  The lady kept asking if it was ok to mark all over my body with the surgical pens. Since it is going to be a while until the proofs are ready,  I made a few replica's of the photo's myself....
brace yourselves...

Please ignore my freaky arm hair. I don't know what happened, but I promise it doesn't normally look like that.

 Sexy legs! Oh baby.

3.  This is a hedge apple

My niece is five (crap-on-a-stick!).

She is incredibly smart and articulate, so is her older brother. Neither one of them hardly ever mispronounce a word. They come from a very verbose family. My brother, talks a lot (I know, hard to think we are even related) and my sister-in-law is one of the best ennuciaters I know. She is the only persion I know who pronounces the "d-wh" in sandwich.  She teaches kindergarten.
Anyway, my niece Mary brought me this hedge apple, and as she handed it to me she said,
"Here, Aunt Meg, I brought you a head chuckle."
Cute.

4. This is Jonathan in his halloween costume. He was an Indian. He was cute.

5. My son broke 2 "indistructable" nalgene sippy cups. I wrote the company, following is a copy of the letter I sent...
"To Whom It May Concern:

I recently purchased two Grip 'N' Gulp Nalgene bottles, blue and green. 
I was excited to find these "durable" sippy cups, as in the past I have 
been quite happy with Nalgene Products I have owned. 
A week or so ago, my two-year-old dropped the green one (not even threw) 
from a shopping cart only to have the bottom bust open. Knowing Nalgene 
bottles can withstand "being run over by a car" (or so rumor has it), I 
figured this one had a flaw or it was some sort of freak accident.  I 
put it on my desk as a reminder to contact your customer service dept. 
However just this morning my son dropped his other cup (again, not 
threw) from the mere three feet he stands off of the floor and it busted 
open all over our wood floors.

So now, I am wondering what is going on here. Does my son have some sort 
of super human strength? Are the Grip 'N' Gulps not as durable as other 
Nalgene bottles? Or was this truly some sort of freak coincidence?

Aside from the "tiny" problem of not being able to hold liquid anymore, 
I do love these cups. I love the leak proof lids, the size, and the odor 
proof containers.  I am sad to see them go. Do I have any options?

Sincerely,

Megan Mills"

They sent me two new ones. 

6. Yesterday, I went to the new Aldi's on the West Side.  Over all it was a positive experience, until Jonathan dropped his sippy cup and it rolled ALL THE WAY under the display shelves. The shelves were like chef's carts (wire shelves on wheels, with metal cross bars).  I was tempted to just leave it there and walk hurriedly away, but alas, it was the a fore mentioned recently replaced Nalgene "grip 'n' gulp". So I did what any good mother would do... I got down on my hands and knees and tried  to reach it. Too far back. So I looked around and got down on my belly (thanking  God this was the brand new Aldi's). Snaked my hand over the metal bars to reach it. Still too far back.   I looked around me again, this time people were staring, I know they were all wondering the same  thing, "Is she gonna do it?"
I did. I pressed my cheek to the floor, slid my arm under the bars, and letting go of that last shred of dignity, I rolled on my side to swipe the cup toward me. Victory. Then I thought, it could be worse, I could be scrubbing poop off of me in a public bathroom.. Oh wait.   then I thought well, at least no one is taking naked pictures of me...

7. This is my gramma.

She is 84. She has buried her husband and her oldest son. She recently lost 40 lbs. And two weekends ago she climbed up a ladder into a hay wagon and sat on a pile of hay while the wagon jostled along behind a tractor for an hour (this is called a hayride for all you city folk).

She then stood up can climbed out of the wagon herself. She is my hero.

8. Here are some more pictures from the hay ride...

Everette looking suuuuuuuuuuper excited.

The lovely and talented... Bethany Johnson (Or Jonesson as I like to call her-I'm cool like that).

Quite possibly the worst picture of Jonathan evah!!! I plan on keeping it for his graduation photo-though I am guessing I might get some more like this when he reaches 13.

 

Jonathan loved riding the tractor!!!

This is my mom's pocket full of straw. She is always doing weird things like that. I'm going to be just like her.

9. And finally, I need your help. I have these storage bins in my living room. They currently house all of Jonathan's toys.

I have them labeled with the kinds of toys in the bins. Right now, they are labeled with stick on labels, but they are not sticking.

I would like to label them differently so that the labels will stay on, but can change as the contents of the bins change (you know-like from toys and trains to leftover moldy pizza, video games, and dirty underwear).

Any ideas?


****I have turned off comments on this post. Because of the title I have been getting spam. Sorry!

Drizzle Castles

Soooo today...

Today was supposed to be a very special day. Today I planned to surprise my niece Mary with a special trip to Arni's to have a lunch date with her mom. Michelle teaches at Vinton and her lunch break is right about the time we finish Bible Study. So Jonathan, Mary and I joined her for lunch.
The actual lunch was delightful, before the kids finished Michelle had to leave and Mary had to go to the bathroom, and Jonathan... had pooped. So we left our lunch, walked Michelle to the door and headed to the bathroom.
As we neared the bathroom door, I noticed that my arm was a little wet.
"Oh great! I thought, Jonathan's diaper leaked through his pants."
Then I walked in the bathroom and set Jonathan down...
That's when I saw it...
You know when you're at the beach and you mix sand and water to get just the right consistency and make those drizzle castles.
You could make drizzle castle's with my son's poop (what a proud moment for a mom). Poop was literally dripping down my shirt, my pants and all over Jonathan. It dripped on the floor... it dripped on my shoe. It dripped everywhere.
So I did what every concerned loving mother would do. Dropped my son like a lead brick and focused my full attention on getting the poop off of me!! So Jonathan was running around the bathroom making poop castles and I was ripping of my outer shirt (thank God I had two shirts on and scrubbing my jeans.
I grabbed Jonathan and put him on the changing table. And began to carefully remove the offended clothes. I have never been so thankful for a button up shirt.  As my anxiety and blood pressure rose I began to assess what form of clothing I was going to redress my naked son with.  I glanced at the diaper bag, two plastic bibs and a motorcycle vest. Not looking good.
As I tried to scrub the poop off of Jonathan with baby wipes, Mary came out of the bathroom stall and announced, "Megan! He has poop all over his back!"
Thank you, dear.
"Megan, can we get dessert?" (yeah, how 'bout a brownie?) 
"No, Mary not today.'
"Megan, then can we get a gumball?" (Are you serious? Do you see that I am up to my elbows in crap? Do you seriously I am going to scrounge around my purse with poop hands for a quarter to buy a gumball?!?!)
"No, Mary, we are going to go back, pay for our food, and go home. I have gum at home."
"Can we take our drinks home?"
"Yes Mary, you can take your drink."
I then put Mary to work making piles of paper towels (one at a time as the automatic dispenser only lets out a 4x4 inch square at a time) and wetting them with warm water to scrub off the poop.
I finally removed an acceptable amount of poop, I reached for a diaper...
nothing.
I did a double take.
(Insert expression about something hitting the fan here)
Still nothing.
Panic.
What!! There were three in there when I left the house this morning! WHAT!!
Frantic searching through the diaper bag, knowing that if they weren't where they were supposed to be they weren't anywhere.
More Panic.
Crap! Crap! Crap! I still have to pay for lunch. Crap I still have to get Everette's salad I ordered. Crap! Crap!
 Cursing my mother for bailing on lunch for the first Thursday since September(there is always someone else to blame).
Cursing myself.
Just cursing (but only in my head because little ears are listening).

Ok.. now what.
Feeling like McGuyver I assessed the situation.
I still had two plastic bibs, diaper disposal bags, and a pot holder waiting to be returned to a friend of mine.
will someone call CPS  if my kid comes out of the bathroom naked with a plastic bag tied around his butt?
Wait... 
**heavens open, halleluia chorus**
In the very bottom of the diaper bag I found a tattered, crumpled swim diaper. Sweet Victory. Praise Jesus!

 I strap on the swimmie, grab the bags and Mary and head quickly back to my seat, where I clothe my child in a blue motorcycle vest (thankfully it was the same blue as the Nemo swim diaper so he was at least fashionable).  So we sit and wait for our waitress (or any waitress) to return.  Jonathan, oblivious to my current psychological and emotional trauma, picks up his hot dog and continues to chow down. When she comes, I throw the credit card at her and beg her to let us leave.
While I wait for her I think, what if he pees? If he pees it will leak all over me? Swim diapers don't absorb pee... I should have put the potholder in there. Dang it!  Oh please don't let him pee. Please no pee. I want my mommy!.


Then I think...
Megan, you are covered in shit. How could anything possibly be worse? Do you really think pee would be worse than the crap already on your pants? Pee would have been a blessing compared to this.


Thankfully the waitress returned, I signed the check and ran out of there. Rolled down the windows to diffuse the powerful poop smell.
Upon arrival I dropped my son in his room, stripped my clothes in the laundry room, changed Jonathan into a new diaper and sweats, put him to sleep, then rocked back and forth in the fetal position in a scalding hot shower.
Then read a book to my niece.

And for an ironic twist... when I recounted my trauma to my sister-in-law, Michelle. She said, "did you see Mary (my mother-in-law)?"
"uhh no, was she there?"
"well I assume so, I saw her pull in as I was leaving."

Turns out my mother-in-law was having a working lunch in the restaurant, during my trauma.
Of all the times for her NOT to have to use the bathroom!
I wonder if she saw the poop castles in the bathroom?

My first Prom

So maybe some of you know this and maybe some of you don't.
I didn't go to any prom in high school. It is not something I regret. No one asked, and I didn't want to go bad enough to ask anyone. Not that I don't love dressing up and dancing, it just seemed like a lot of hype and a lot of drama. And it just wasn't worth it to me. In fact I only went to one high school dance, I had a great time and that was enough. And as it turns out I went with one of the only guys from high school that I regularly keep in touch with and genuinely enjoy spending time with.

To be technical... I chaperoned prom when I taught in Kokomo, but I spent the whole night passing out safety pins to girls whose boobs were hanging  out. So.. that wasn't fun. Not that I didn't have a good time with you Amy :)

Our church youth group put on an 80's prom fundraiser last weekend. So of course I saw it as a chance to go to prom with someone I truly love, and listen to some fabulous music.
Everette, though not necessarily thrilled at the idea, went willingly because he loves me.

He even wore a square tie and let me tight roll his jeans. Complete with white socks.

During Prom there was a silent auction, where we bid on some cool things. We lost the free doggie dental cleaning but won a delicious meal from Dar Muehlhausen, and three free months at miracle fitness (which we gave to Everette's parents because they work out there).
There were prizes for best and worst dressed,

Sara (was-Fisher) Rottler won best-dressed

Matt M. tied with Malcolm Springs for worst dressed (Matt is pictured here with Scott--who techincally won prom Queen, but wasn't in a couple so didn't get to wear the crown)

 and a prom king and queen.

Matt and Dar won prom King and Queen, and interestingly enough neither one of them ever went to prom either!

There were formal photos, jokes about actually getting lucky after prom, and best of all.... some of the best music from one of the greatest musical decades ever! Cyndi Lauper and the Bangles got me through those rough high school years.

This is our Dan and Dana, the pastor's wife and her husband.

Me with Katie (was-Kochon) Schmidt in her sister's prom dress (my dress came from good will, but I had some killer accessories-including 1 can of hairspray)

 

As it turns out, prom was worth the wait.

Newsflash

So I am adding some music files to my desktop computer... and remember when I ripped all those CD's a while ago? As it turns out... there were 4751 songs. Wowsah!

In other news... we had an exciting weekend but before I can tell you about that. I better finish telling you about camping as I can tell you are all on the edge of your seats!

We went to see the "Great Mounds" these are ancient ancient Indian Spiritual monuments. The Native American's built the mounds a bazillion years ago. They are not burial grounds; they served a religious purpose. It was cool to see them, although you probably wouldn't have ever noticed them if there wasn't a state park built around them and signs pointing them out.

 Grant, Jonathan, and Everette standing in front of the Great Mound

 

The trails were fun to walk on, but a little difficult to follow. They weren't very well marked.

This picture cracks me up, Everette and Grant were excellent map readers during our trailblazing adventures, I just happen to catch them at a moment when they looked clueless in front of the trail markers.

We capped the weekend with a hay ride.
Here's how it went down.
There was a free shuttle that picked up campers and took them down to the welcome center where they could buy their tickets for the hayride and the haunted trail.

This is Jonathan on Everette's lap during the free shuttle ride.

 

The shuttle was a nicely decorated trailor lined with haybales and pulled by a very nice gentleman in his pickup.
Then we hopped off and bought our $1 tickets for the hayride.
Then we hopped onto another (smaller) wagon lined with haybales less decorated, but pulled by a tractor.

Not to be confused with all of us on the hay ride-Everette was feeling particularly jovial as he not only smiled but allowed us to ask fellow rider to take a group picture. (In case you were wondering, Jonathan is wearing a long-sleeved body suit, two hooded sweatshirts, lined jeans, a superman hat and mittens and a rain coat, oh and two pairs of socks.)

Then the tractor drove us back to the entrance to the campsites and looped around back to the welcome center. Where we hopped onto the Free shuttle again and rode back up to the campsites.

 This is the back of the tractor and also the moment when Everette gave me "the look" and asked me nicely, through gritted teeth, to please put the camera away, I thought it deserved mention.

Do you get the picture? We all agreed, while the cost of the hayride was nominal, we would have been better off to ride the free shuttle a few times and saved our $4.

In other, other news... I took some pictures of my brother and his family and they turned out SUPER SUPER SUPER cute so I am linking them here so you can go and cry over how cute my nieces and nephew are. Seriously get Kleenex.

To Whom It May Concern:

To Whoever crept into my home last night while I was sleeping soundly in my bed, and snatched up my sweet darling baby boy. To Whoever reached into the crib of this angelic child's slumber and shook him and woke him and filled his mind with all sorts of terrible ideas. To Whatever was pinching him in the dead of the night and causing him to scream incessantly and inconsolably for hours depriving him and me of much needed sleep. To whoever carried away my kind, easy-going, playful, cheerful, loving, obedient son and replaced him with some sort of whining, crying, tantrum-throwing, limp, lifeless, disobedient, holy-terror, horrible clone monster. To whoever would do such a terrible thing to a mother, beware, I am coming for you. And my little boy too.

Camping: A primal experience

The thing about camping is it gets you back to your primal nature. Puts you in touch with your prehistoric roots. Back to primitive man.  I am sure prehistoric man slept in heated campers with foam mattresses.... really.

Camping does bring man back to its most basic needs. Food, shelter, heat.  Addressing these issues during camping can be... interesting.
Establishing a shelter was easy enough. We made it to our campsite at Mounds State Park by 6:30 leaving us enough time (if we didn't dawdle) to get the camper set up and dinner on the well under way before we lost light.

This is Fiddle Back Mound

After our shelter was created, we began to address the other two needs. For the Mills, camping is really all about the food. We have a dutch oven and we really like to find new things we can cook in the dutch oven or even in the fire itself.
But knowing we would have limited time, We planned to have an easy meal for dinner and s'mores for dessert.

Jonathan eating his first toasted marshmallow

I began to warm up the Chili and make the grilled cheese.
Everette and Grant (everette's brother-his first official camp experience--never mind that he worked at a summer camp for the last two years--sleeping in a camper is WAY different) began to work on the fire.




Brothers two, in front of the Great Mound (can't you see it?-it's very great!!)

Usually not a very difficult task for Everette. Seriously Everette is a fire Master. He builds awesome fires.  However he underestimated the wetness of the wood and was having difficulty  getting it started.
The plan was for them to get the fire started and then spend the rest of the time watching Jonathan, while I got dinner going.
But instead it was became a battle to survive (ok pretend there was no heated camper and no  Pb&J) to eat or keep warm. It was getting dark and the temperature was dropping quickly. But we had been traveling a long time and exerted a considerable amount of strength creating shelter so we were in need of  food.
So who was supposed to watch the kid?

Jonathan was... well layered... He had two hooded sweatshirts, a sock cap and a rain coat, his head looked gigantic!

dilemma...
I was assuming the need to eat was of more importance but I forgot that fire building is a point of pride for any man.  So we tagged teamed and got the job done.

Jonathan's Great Hike from Megan Mills on Vimeo.

Jonathan on a looonnngg hike.

 

The rest of the weekend was filled with hiking trails, building fires, good eating (I'm talking biscuits and gravy, cinnamon rolls, garlic chicken and roasted potatoes) and a hilarious hay ride.

Stay tuned for more details and more pictures.
Oh yeah and here's another cute video!

jonathan on his truck from Megan Mills on Vimeo.