Saturday, August 21, 2010

Better than my pinkie finger

A few months ago, after I blogged about my dad, at his request, I was chatting with my brother (who is older) about it, and he looked at me wide-eyed and said, "I would never asked to be in your blog!" Of course, at that moment, I began to conspire to find a way to post about him. It is like the time when he was in middle school and he had a bunch of his friends over and shut the door to his room to keep his highly-annoying-5th-grade sister (me!) out. I spent the rest of the evening (before and after dinner) carving a hole in his door with a butter knife, the size of a nickel, so I could spy on them. I know it was the size of a nickel because that is what by brother attempted to cover it with. Which worked until I pushed it off with a chopstick.
Don't worry, what goes around, comes around, after he left, that became my room.

So you see, I have some sort of disorder that triggers an obsession with doing whatever my brother tells me I can't or shouldn't do. Another time, he was antagonizing me and I threatened to pour milk on his head at dinner. He said, "you wouldn't."  Before I knew what was happening, I lifted my arm, glass in hand and dumped it on his head. I am just really glad he never said, "Don't get addicted to methamphetamine." or "don't play with guns." or my life could have taken a serious turn for the worse.

Before everybody starts talking about what an obnoxious sister I was, I feel the need to share two things:
1. my brother and my cousin used to play laser tag with me and my younger sister, except there were only two guns and two targets, you can guess how this went down.
2. my brother also was known to deliberately eat leftovers in the fridge marked with your name.

The problem is, my brother is a pretty good story teller in his own right, and any story bearing any humor(and believe me there are plenty) he has already told on himself. Like they say, the best defense is a good offense.

A few days ago my brother got a new cell phone, and by that I mean, he got A cell phone.

You see, my brother... he is very passionate. He has a lot of things he believes in very strongly.
This in general is a pretty good quality. Actually, let's be honest, it is a pretty great quality. It means he  has a strong sense of right and wrong, and isn't afraid to stand in the right, alone.
It means he had the guts to go back to school to get his teaching license to teach FACS (home ec) to high school and middle school kids.
Sometimes, his strong beliefs, find him in a pickle, especially as they pertain to technology. Like the time he told me ipods were from the devil, and it is necessary to hold the album in your hand, and see and touch the album art to fully appreciate the artist's music. Which may, in fact, be true, but it doesn't seem to matter to the millions of people who download music from itunes. People, as it turns out, like my brother--eventually, who learned to appreciate the convenience of all of your music being in one central place, so you can take with you on your family's two week road trip to Yellowstone National Park. And people, like my brother, who appreciate the affordability of downloading music as opposed to purchasing CD's, and was over the moon when for his birthday I gave him Amazon credits to download every Avett Brother's album onto his ipod.
although, I find it necessary to point out, that if my brother were to live in a world where this technology does not exist he would be exceedingly happy with all music in the form of records.

Brian's opinions about cell phones were not dissimilar to his previous thoughts about ipods (you could imagine his views on iphones!).
So here it is... 2010, an age when they are handing out cell phones to infants in hospital delivery rooms, and my brother finally gits himself a "shiny new cell phone". Not only is it a shiny new cell phone, it is a touch screen, with a full QWERTY keypad. A keypad which he has used to text me no less than 5 times in the week he has owned it. Which, to the rest of the world that may not seem like a lot but, in the past year I can count on two hands the number of phone calls/emails I have received from my brother. 
Don't get me wrong, I am excited my brother has a cell phone, I finally have direct access to him, I don't have to go through his wife (whom I love as my own sister), or his kids (whom I think he exploits to screen his phone calls). He texted his phone number to me, and I believe as his younger sister it is my right no, my duty, to frequently call his cell phone and leave harassing messages. The variety of which I have already left, as of yesterday.

If you would like to participate in the leaving of obnoxious voicemails, you can reach him at...

really? Did you really think I was going to post his number?
whew! I feel better! I feel cleansed, I have scratched the itch. I blogged about my brother. Now if you will excuse me I need to go play some laser tag... only this time I get to use the guns.


Michelle said...

a cell phone's better 'an a pinkie finger any day.

Michelle said...

P.S. I did not know that hole in the door was from you! AND I heart the "cell" phone picture. AND I was listening to your detailed message and laughing because I called Brian soon after you did and ended up leaving the same kind of "detailed" message.

Anonymous said...

You need to be saving these for your book someday. You are HILARIOUS!!!

I laughed out loud more than one; those down deep belly laughs that just keep on coming.

I never had a tiny clue where that hole in the door came from. What delightful secrets you protect.

Brian sent me a text to ask me if I had read of the "abuse" he was receiving on your blog.

xo, mom