Thursday, July 9, 2009

Don't Drink the Water

There is a hex on all things water related in this house.
It all started the day My bunn broke. And things have been going downhill ever since.
Here is the ever increasing list. You might want to go to the bathroom now, as this could get lengthy and you might be afraid to afterward.
1. My bunn broke.
2. We have a super flusher toilet in our guest bathroom. It isn't something we installed, it came with the house but we have enjoyed it nonetheless. A few months ago it started "acting funny" it seemed to have lost it's oomph. Everette stuck a snake down there and wiggled it around, but nothing turned up. So we did what any normal homeowner would do. Put the lid down and stopped using it.
Later we were having houseguests, the kind we'd never met before, so you really don't want to put caution tape over the lid and make them walk downstairs. So Everette started working on it again. We tried several things we thought might be broken in the upper tank. But when all of those were resolved and the tank still wouldn't flush right we had to move onto the bowl.
However time was running out as it was friday evening and our house guests were coming saturday. Everette took the toilet off of the pipe and into my recently cleaned bath tub (I don't blame him--I just want you to feel my heart sink as I saw that toilet go into the tub). My job was to remove the wax ring (gross). After several buckets of water dumped through the toliet, and Everette digging a few clumps of toilet paper (sorry for being so graphic) we thought we had the problem solved. So we got out the new wax ring and replaced the toliet with relative ease. Sadly.. the toilet still would not flush. At this point Everette was ready to go out and buy a new toilet. But in one final act of desperation he removed the toilet again, and I scraped off the new wax ring again. After more buckets of water and toliet jiggling, finally Everette saw/heard something. Using a flashlight he found a small round plastic disc. Using a coat hanger he pulled it through the opening a the bottom of the toilet. It was our toilet bowl cleaner.Consumer caution: Don not buy these. They smell great, and the work well, but your toilet will eat them.

Which for the record we had noticed had gone missing when we first discovered the problem, but we couldn't find any evidence of it so we assumed it was some other problem.
Everette in his wisdom bought two wax toliet rings so we opened the last package and restored the toliet to its full glorty Power flush and all.

3. The exact same week as all of this toilet, house guest incident. Our Water heater began a slow painful death. It is dying, as in present active participle. Everette has tried a few things to revive it, but it seems to be terminal. Truthfully, it hasn't affected Everette or me too much as there is almost always hot water in the morning. Poor Jonathan either gets deprieved of his evening bath or fills the house with blood curdling screams due to the less-than-warm nature of his bath water (it only happened once people). However the Sunday morning we had strangers in our house, things got a little tricky. Everette got up at 6 AM to take a shower, and I at 7:30 took the least-hottest shower I could stand. For now I think we have decided to call the water heater's bluff. I think we have convinced ourselves that it will miraculously heal itself. Excuse me. I need to go down to the basement and lay hands on it.

4. A week or so later, the garbage disposal clogged. As I was fixing that (yes-me, all by myself). I discovered....

5. that our Reverse Osmosis water filter was leaking. Quite rapidly. Everette was of course gone, so I had no other choice but to turn off the water to the filter. Which meant, no more delicious water, and probably the greatest of all tragedies--no ice. This in the Mills household falls under signs of the Apocalpse. Everette especially, needs ice. I mean he needs it.
How else can the mad drink 12 powerade slushies a night without ice!?
Since I had an emergency bag in the freezer downstairs the reverse osmosis filter has been moved to the noncritical list and will have to wait until after we return from vacation.The amount of ice it takes to satisfy Everette's slushie cravings.

6. Speaking of slushies, let's add this to the list of things under the water hex. During a slushie making spree, I discovered that my blender was leaking. Everytime I used it, a spring of black, sticky slushy water would run down the bottom of the belnder into the motor. It was black because it was leaking from the bottom of the blender where the balde connects to the jar. Since slushie making has become a nightly routine. This was bad. Handy Everette assessed the situation and determined that the blender was unfixable and was in need of replacement.My new Oster beehive blender, professional series. It is amazing.

7. And finally today to cap it ALL off. I woke up and an unspeakable hour because my son, my darling son, was awake. In a sleepy haze I went to the master bathroom. I reached up to flush the toilet and.... nothing. THe handle went down but nothing happened. In fact, the handle went down, too easily. So coming out of my stupor, with my child crying in the background I lifted the tank to discover the handle had broken. The toilet will flush, but you have to reach your hand into the tank and pull up on the chain. Who wants to do that?

Now do you see why we are cursed?
Oh... by the way, Everette kindly recleaned the bathtub. On his own. I didn't even ask.

ooo. oooo. I just thought of another one! Jonathan's baby pool, when we got it out we discovered that it had a leak in it and wouldn't hold air (it's the blow up kind).

Stay away from the water people!


Annie said...

Good grief! It's almost too much to believe...

And I'm impressed with the detective work on the toilet, as well as the fact that Everette had bought TWO wax rings. Good thinking!

The Erudite Lit-ite said...

I'm impressed with your participial prowess!