Thursday, February 3, 2011

Surviving Snowmageddon

It is 8:30 PM and Everette is on the phone still working. A rarity even for him.
Jonathan is in bed, and dinner is cleaned up....mostly.
So I thought I would leave you a few tips on how to survive the BLIZZARD OF THE CENTURY: a.k.a SNOWMAGEDDON a.k.a. SNOWPACALYPSE

1. Go to the store and buy every egg carton on the shelf, 10 gallons of milk, and 12 pkgs of Double Suff Oreo Cookies (to go with the milk).

2. Check the weather for updates every 3 minutes.

3. Check the real time weather updates (i.e. look out the window).

4. Prance around your house yelling, "the blizzard is coming! the blizzard is coming!"

5. Realize it is possible that the power might go out.  Check to make sure outward facial expressions reflect the solemnity of the situation. Squeal with delight, inwardly. The power might go out!

6. Begin to frantically do laundry in case the power goes out.

7. Strip your bed to wash your sheets, the pray that the power doesn't go out... until your sheets are dry and back on your bed.

8. Begin to fill jugs of water, because the power MIGHT go out!

9. Bathe yourself and your entire family, because the power might go out!

10. Sit and listen to the sleet pelt your window.

11. Peer out your window every 5 minutes to check if the snow fall has reached catastrophic levels,and wonder when the  power is going to go out.

12. Slump your shoulders in disappointment because it NEVER reaches catastrophic levels.

13. Remember that you live in Indiana and snow storms are NEVER as bad as predicted.

14. Sigh. blow out your candle (that you lit, in case the power went out)  and slink off to bed in your warm toasty fully powered house, because you know you have to shovel your driveway tomorrow.

15. Head outside the next morning to assess the situation... quickly realize you are standing on TOP of 4 inches of sleet and snow. on TOP of it people. It was like walking on a snow cone.

16. Put your shovel down to make that first cut across your driveway.

17. Fall on your butt because you completely underestimated the fact that the sneet (snow and sleet, people) is glued to your driveway, and it weighed 12 tons.

18. Go whine to your husband, who doesn't get a snow day because he works from home, that your back hurts and you can't shovel the driveway because it's too hard.

19. Sit inside all warm and cozy (because the power didn't go out) while your husband breaks up the sneet with a jackhammer and crowbar.

20. Feel guilty because he has a bad back too, and go out and help.

21. Regret not putting on a sports bra, because this is some serious cardio.

22. Feel triumphant because you and your husband with two snow shovels and a snub nosed regular shovel shoveled out your much longer driveway before your neighbor (who even started before you) did with his fancy pants snow blower.

23. Go back inside, drink 12 cups of hot chocolate (and 2 packages of Oreo cookies) and never leave the house for the next 3 days, it is Snowmageddon after all.

24. Open the fridge and wonder what in the crap you are going to do with all those eggs.

25. Go to the store because you are out of milk, and oreos.


Anonymous said...

I m laughing and laughing and laughing and need a regular column. i m n Tennessee..guess who I m???????

Megan said...

Dear Anonymous Mom,
If you would like to pay me,I would be happy to write a regular column for you.
Your non-anonymous daughter

bethany said...

I think we had identical lists, with one exception. Mine included a Netflix marathon.